Irritation at station 1

Irritating as it is, sometimes you wish you could just stop thinking or remembering and make it all go away. Some people use tattoo's as a permanent reminder of their past but I instead need only to look at something as silly as a watch to feel upset or better still hear a silly sound/noise is enough to bring a downpour of emotion.

It is clear that the past will not let itself go and I have to learn how to slowly accept facts and move on. What if you want to but seemingly can't? It's best describe as being stuck in a fucking room and everything you hate or makes you sad surrounds you, leaving you no place to run.

Difference is, I'm not stuck anywhere but merely stuck in reality and cannot proceed to the next course. I have already rip open the package to the next step but cannot dig into it. It's like a dinner course per say, you've had your starter, done with it, stuck your fork into your main course but yet want to go back to the starter you've already finish.

I'm rambling on as I can't seem to get my mind of it. It will be fun to one day look back and count the many notes I have but trying to let go. Beginning with this one:)

Realising life's wonderful faces:)

Just had a drink with what I use to call the usual bunch, that would be 2 years ago actually. I'm finding myself lonelier these days. Guess everyone does as they grow older?

You seem to realise what true friends mean and you tend to divide friends into groups of people.

1. the ones you can count on

2. the ones just for laughs

3. the hello and goodbye people

4. usual hanging out people

5. the ones you put a smile on your face just for fucks sake

Yeah, that's all I can come up with for now. Blog's a little depressing for now. Going through a rather depressing phase if I may say and the depressing phase would include very sadly depressing movies.

Speaking about movies, thought Alice in Wonderland by Tim Burton was a disappointment, not horrifyingly bad but could have been better. Moon is a must watch. Even if you're not a sci-fi fan, you'd love it. Story goes as, man's on the moon for a 3 year contract as he's contract's bout to end, something happens:)

Go check it out!

New Start, New Goals

Post graduation and I have to write my resume but absolutely have no idea what to include. Achievements, I personally feel zero, although some may think I have accomplished something. Still do not know what to write in the resume.

Another thing would be to further my degree, a huge part wants to go to UK and leave the rest behind, start fresh but financial strains might just tear that dream apart. Have to look for a loan, but parentals are saying don't bother and just stay here but honestly what is there to live for here? Only loneliness and depression seems to be my only friends these days. Even thinking about it is depressing.

Definitely have to decide if going would be good for me cause I want to pursue styling and writing but studying in UK might lead me to a different direction, more marketing less creativity. Yet, it is a golden opportunity if one gets to work there and perhaps settle down but who knows might just end up running back to Malaysia if the heartache of a long lost love seem to dwell. Already has, although I expected it to end by now.

So, things I have to do...and more you'd read on the blog.

1. Styling for AMA's Ayamas video

2. Styling for Slunk

3. Prepare Resume

4. Plan out UK

5. Stop being so antisocial

6. Figure out the future :)

Stating Facts

Statement of the passed few days

If I am no better than I think you're worst

Coffee Anyone?

We all know coffee is a bad idea when it's touching midnight. Unless you have a hell of a good reason to stay awake don't bother, just go to sleep.

Well, my reason just backfired on me and to top that I had 2 fucking cups of extra strong coffee since I was feeling really tired.

Reason for the coffee, cuz I had plans to watch a movie who when I finally met said he was tired and fell asleep. Urgh.... pissing off! So now here I am fucking awake and the darling of a friend is snoring. Thanks alot. And I have nothing to do but rant. How can such a sweet gesture backfire?

Feeling completely bored, stupid and useless right now.

I thought wrong

There are days when I'm fine without you but there are those when I wish you were by my side once again. It's coming to 3 months now and the pain should have resided but it hasn't. I do not think of you as much as I used to but truth is I still think about your whereabouts and what you're up to.

I miss the way you look at me when I do something stupid or when I do something utterly disgusting. I miss the way you laugh at me when I walk funny but still hug me after that. I miss so much bout you that it keeps playing on my mind.

But yet I will not turn back. Not now. And perhaps Son is right, it will hurt to see him with someone else. I thought I'd be fine but once again, I thought wrong.

An unexpectedly short life

To my friend Brittany, we will miss your laughter, the joy you brought by just being around, you are truly one of a kind and we will all miss you a lot. You left us so suddenly and I still can't believe the news when I spoke to you only a few days ago. You seemed so happy. You were even telling me about a rave coming soon and I always said I wanted to follow you for one. Whatever it is, you were always a ball of fun and full of randomness. You will be deeply missed by most of us. May you finally rest in peace and be eternally happy wherever you are as you will always be in our prayers.